Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
