Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
