Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The cops high fived after they tackled you
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
