You're my little dorito
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
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You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
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Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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