At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
