There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
