You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
