I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
