I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize