He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
