He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
