He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
