giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
