hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
