shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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