And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
