So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
