You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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