She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
