I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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