She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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