I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
