Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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