I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
