dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
