Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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