omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
