there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
