HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
