im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
