if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
