i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
