It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
