Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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