Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
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So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
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I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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