His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I deserve this hangover.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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