Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
zippers are such a cool invention
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
