the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
3 2 1 whiskey
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
