you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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