I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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