is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My vagina is officially offended.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
