Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
