genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
