Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
