It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
