How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
