just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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