I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
