Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
