using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
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