I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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