i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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