i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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