TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
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I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
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Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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