New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
