Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
