I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
