You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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