uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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