She is in my trunk
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
