I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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