I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
