So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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