How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
