I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
There r osticjed everywhere
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
