dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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