Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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