I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
