I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
