youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
