Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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