I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
