I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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